Parenting Through Transitions

Parenting is a journey full of transitions—some expected, others catching us off guard like a Lego underfoot. Whether moving to a new home, switching schools, adjusting to a new culture, or welcoming a new sibling, transitions challenge the emotional and developmental resilience of both parents and children.

When my family relocated to Oahu nearly three years ago, our children didn’t speak English. I vividly recall the nights my daughter cried herself to sleep, overwhelmed by her new reality. Entering third grade with only the phrases “This is a cat, this is a dog” in her vocabulary, she went from excelling in school and having a tight-knit group of friends to being lost in an unfamiliar environment. She couldn’t communicate, couldn’t understand her teachers, and was mourning the life she left behind. The despair and confusion she felt were palpable. Can you imagine being her—trapped between the known and the unknown, with no words to bridge the gap? But don't imagine that switching schools or a new sibling in a family feels easier. Every change and transition can create really big feelings. Let's see why.

Parenting is a journey full of transitions—some expected, others catching us off guard like a Lego underfoot. Whether moving to a new home, switching schools, adjusting to a new culture, or welcoming a new sibling, transitions challenge the emotional and developmental resilience of both parents and children.

When my family relocated to Oahu, in Hawaii, nearly three years ago, our children didn’t speak English. I vividly recall the nights my daughter cried herself to sleep, overwhelmed by her new reality. Entering third grade with only the phrases “This is a cat, this is a dog” in her vocabulary, she went from excelling in school and having a tight-knit group of friends to being lost in an unfamiliar environment. She couldn’t communicate, couldn’t understand her teachers, and was mourning the life she left behind. The despair and confusion she felt were palpable. Can you imagine being her—trapped between the known and the unknown, with no words to bridge the gap? But don't imagine that switching schools or a new sibling in a family feels easier. Every change and transition can create really big feelings. Let's see why.

Why Are Transitions So Hard for Kids?

Kids thrive on routine. Their world feels safe when they know what’s coming next: Breakfast- school- play- homework- activities etc.

Transitions disrupt that predictability, triggering the center for processing fear and threats that is called amygdala. To a child, a big change—like moving to a new city or a new sibling—can feel like their whole world has turned upside down.

What’s more, the brain’s rational decision-making hub, the prefrontal cortex, doesn’t fully develop until adulthood. This means kids rely more on their emotions to process change. Imagine feeling overwhelmed but not having the words to explain it—that’s exactly what kids experience during transitions.

As a parent coach who has worked with many clients dealing with big family transitions, I observe some common mistakes that unintentionally make creating even more challenges. These are:

1. Feeling Guilty and Becoming Over-Permissive

They may feel guilty and become overly permissive, loosening boundaries in an effort to compensate for the change.

2. Correcting or Trying to Fix Their Kids’ Feelings

They often use phrases like "You’ll make new friends soon”, or "You’re overreacting," that invalidate the child’s feelings, leading to frustration or withdrawal. And

3. Not Expressing Their Own Feelings

Unfortunately, many parents suppress their own emotions, avoiding sharing their struggles to shield their children, which can make kids feel isolated in their feelings.

The Parent’s Role: The Calm in the Storm

As parents, we act as the emotional anchor for our children. The challenge? We’re also navigating the same transition! A study from the Journal of Family Psychology, highlights that parental stress during big changes directly affects how children adapt.

So, how do you keep it together when your child is melting down because their favorite blanket is packed away? Follow this strategy:

1. Start with self-compassion. Repeat a mantra (a small phrase) to yourself such as: I am not perfect, and that’s okay.

2. Take a deep breath,

3. Model calmness, and

4. Approach your child with empathy.

1.Talk About the Change Early and Often
Kids need time to process transitions. Whether it’s moving to a new home or starting a new daycare, have age-appropriate conversations about what’s happening. Use books, drawings, or stories to help explain. For example: “We’re moving to a new house. It will be different, but we’ll bring all your favorite toys with us.”

Funny side note: Prepare for unexpected questions. My own child once asked, “Can we bring the neighbor’s dog?”

2. Acknowledge Their Feelings
Kids don’t need us to fix their feelings—they need us to validate them. Research in child psychology shows that labeling emotions helps children feel understood and reduces anxiety.

Instead of saying, “Don’t cry, it’s not a big deal,” try: “I see you’re feeling sad about leaving your friends. It’s okay to feel this way. It's perfectly normal. It's a big change for our family. I feel the same way too. We are all together in this.

3. Keep Familiar Routines
During transitions, routines act like a security blanket. Even in chaos, sticking to predictable mealtimes, bedtime rituals, or weekend activities helps kids feel grounded. Bonus: It keeps parents sane too.

4. Involve Them in the Process
Giving kids some control over the transition can make them feel empowered. Let them choose how to decorate their new room, what to pack first, or which park to explore in a new neighborhood.
Warning: This could mean glitter everywhere, but hey, it’s worth it!

5. Focus on Connection Over Perfection
There will be bumps along the way. You might forget to pack their favorite snack or lose your patience during a stressful moment. What matters most is reconnecting afterward. A hug, an apology, or a simple “I’m sorry I yelled earlier. I love you no matter what.” works wonders.

A Word About Guilt (and Why You Should Drop It)

As a parent coach, I often see how guilt plays a huge role in our parenting. Am I doing enough? Did I handle this right? Here’s the truth: Guilt doesn’t help anyone. It shows that something is very important - in this case your relationship with your kid, or your kid’s happiness but we should NOT go down the rabbit hole. What does help is showing up, using different tools and embracing the learning process.

Practicing self-compassion during tough moments always helInstead of criticizing yourself, try saying: “This is hard, but I’m doing my best.” Bonus points if you can say it with a smile while dodging a flying toy.

The Silver Lining of Transitions

While transitions are challenging, they also offer incredible opportunities for growth. Kids learn flexibility, problem-solving, and resilience—all skills that will serve them for a lifetime. And parents? We learn that surviving a move, a tantrum, or a 3 a.m. wake-up call makes us stronger too.

The Takeaway

Parenting through transitions isn’t about doing it perfectly—it’s about navigating the messy middle with love, humor, and a little science on your side. By validating your child’s feelings, maintaining routines, and offering a calm presence, you’ll guide your family through the storm to calmer waters. A big transition doesn't have to be a trauma. With your help can be the biggest gift.

Last word to remember: Transitions, like parenting itself, are a marathon, not a sprint. So take it one step at a time.

Special thanks to Mililani Ike Elementary School, Principal Mrs. Ujifu, and the dedicated teachers for their support in fostering belonging and responsibility. A heartfelt mention to the LLE Program for patiently teaching English, building our children’s confidence, and easing this big transition. Forever grateful!

Practical Tips for Parenting Through Transitions

Evie Paraskeva is a parent coach, somatic practitioner, and writer. She helps parents create healthy, respectful boundaries without overwhelm, freezing, or permissiveness.

Through a nervous-system–informed and somatic approach, Evie guides her clients through deep transformation — helping them uncover the root causes of limiting beliefs, reconnect with their true, higher self, and build stronger, more authentic relationships with their children.