How I Learned to Communicate My Needs as a Parent

The first tool I use in my parent coaching sessions is something most of us were never taught: how to communicate needs. Most of us don’t actually know how to do this — and it affects our parenting, our relationships, and our nervous system. This tool is called the Wheel of Needs, and yes — it can literally change your life. You can use it with your kids, your partner, your colleagues — everywhere.

PARENTING TOOLS

5/8/20242 min read

Why This Matters (Especially With Kids)

Everyone has needs.
Yes — even your child.

And here’s the important part:
Children don’t yet have a fully developed prefrontal cortex — the part of the brain responsible for logic, impulse control, and self-regulation.
They have big feelings, a developing nervous system, and limited ability to manage overwhelm.

That’s why meltdowns happen.
Not because they’re difficult — but because a need isn’t being met.

For a long time, I thought I was communicating clearly with my kids.
I wasn’t.

I was giving instructions.
Correcting behavior.
Asking for compliance.

What I wasn’t doing was naming my needs.

Through Nonviolent Communication (Marshall Rosenberg, PhD) and the wheel of Needs below, I learned a simple but powerful shift:

A Need is not the same as a demand.

I know, you think you know, but read this.

The boundary stays.
But the energy changes.

When I speak from my needs, my kids don’t feel controlled or criticized.
Their nervous system stays regulated.
And cooperation comes more naturally.

This doesn’t mean permissiveness.
It means leadership.

When children hear needs instead of demands, they learn how to express themselves with clarity, respect, and confidence.

That’s a skill they’ll carry for life — and one I’m still practicing every day.

Evie Paraskeva is a parent coach, somatic practitioner, and writer. She helps parents create healthy, respectful boundaries without overwhelm, freezing, or permissiveness.

Through a nervous-system–informed and somatic approach, Evie guides her clients through deep transformation — helping them uncover the root causes of limiting beliefs, reconnect with their true, higher self, and build stronger, more authentic relationships with their children.